six and the art of letting go

something from my journal 4/20/12

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear JT, happy birthday to you…

i woke this morning and was immediately struck by these two feelings. if the first five years of life are the most important years, have i planted the seeds of love, security, and trust deep enough for him to flourish? but not too deep and compact that he is unable to fight through the depth of life lessons that are sure to come his way? And then more narrowly, I can see that after thousands of blissful hours watching him delight in his ever growing world, his babyhood is over. and that makes me ache.

he woke this morning with his innocent, starry eyes lit with excitement. today he six. pride flowed heavily through his blood. he showed me his loose tooth. his second one so far. he got himself dressed and tied his own shoes. he played with his little brother and then fought with his little brother. we all got in the car and spent a magical day at disneyland. we got back to our hotel room late, ate dinner, had baths, and talked about our favorite part of the day. they just fell asleep in crisp hotel bedding watching monsters inc. and listening to fireworks outside of our window.

time will keep on ticking, life will continue to move forward, and i will do my best to appreciate what is and learn to master the art of letting go. i will beam with pride as i watch him grow and individuate. i will encourage and praise him and let him know how great it is to grow up.

i know there will be more birthday’s. i know there will be more loose teeth. and i know there will be more trips to disneyland. but i also know that i will fall asleep tonight with warm tears burning my eyes. today he is six.

here is a movie i made of JT’s first five years.  you will notice the early footage is pretty bad. i knew next to nothing about filming and photography and was borrowing cameras i had no idea how to use (thanks mom). regardless, i wanted to share it because it is special to me.

happy birthday my sun.


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